Photo courtesy of Google.
Have you ever been at your lowest point and suddenly everybody you had been running from (your past) found you at exactly the same time? Like, BOOM! They gotcha in the middle of the street and is not letting you out of their sight. Would it spook you out if this happens to you? Or would you take it as a sign? Maybe God is opening the door you had padlocked so long ago because somebody you trusted in the same house had betrayed you silently. Maybe this is a way for God to give happiness to you back or maybe this is the devil's game to sink you deeper into the dark abyss you're already in at the moment.
It's funny, come to think of it, all these men suddenly being chivalrous and acting as if I had mattered so much in their lives. If I did, why now? I don't like fate playing with me this way, and I also don't want other people to play with my fate. If this is not God's doing, if this is just a test, (a "cobaan") for me, then I pray that all these men and their hidden agendas would just leave me alone. It will not bring any good to me and my relationship. I want something wonderful, something magical, something unbelievable. Something like this is definitely not in the list.
It's like being hit by a bus. I didn't expect it and when it came, it was not just the small "bas mini" but the big double-decker Exclusive Coach bus. It hit me smack in the front and left me dazed for a while. When I asked for a sign from God, when I prayed to show me if my loyalty was misused, this is not what I imagined it would be. And having all these people from my past at the same time I am being "stalked" by psychos give very little help to my already unstable emotions. Sometimes I just feel like running away. Few years ago I chose to stay here instead of going to America for love, now I hope I can leave here to find a much sought-after peace, and have B-bunz with me if possible.
I can't write too much in detail, which leaves me extremely annoyed because there are people who are keeping tabs on my updates and life. I always wished to live a normal life, but maybe I have never been "normal" to begin with. B-bunz and I are exceptional people, I had tried to deny it for as long as I could, but now I think it's folly to do that. So, I accept it, B-bunz and I comes from extraordinary circumstances and we shall live our lives extraordinarily too.
*Forgive me if it is hard to understand what I write about.
8 comments:
love shall prevail! what dont kill u will only make u stronger
but it wudnt hurt if u ask these men what do they want from u right now? then u can tell me the details.. :-P
Salam Bella.
Bersabar dan harap semuanya Semakin Baik (hmmm too cliche..)
Tu la bella, bila kita diduga, memang bukan senang. Dugaan tuu sebenarnya nak lihat kita give-in @ cope out to easier ways atau really bertungkus-lumus selesaikan
Rizal pun tgh ada masalah.. Asyik tolak ke tepi konon2 supaya tak tahu.. and at the end, dah berapa tahun pendam. Malam tadi meletup satu rumah.
Tu laa sekarang tgh cuba nak selesaikan masalah. dan rizal tahu, bukan senang, memang akan penat dan serabut bila nak selesaikan masalah semua.. Tapi Rizal percaya juga bukan mustahil.
Rizal juga percaya rizal kena ambil pendirian tegak berani berdiri hadapi masalah dan bukannya berlari lagi kerana sampai bila pun masalah tidak akan selesai. Jadi kes semalam memang tidak menyeronakkan, tapi sekurang-kurangnya Rizal dan mulakan dengan satu langkah untuk hadapai masalah rizal. Dan rizal tahu, akan banyak lagi yang Rizal kena tempuhi.. Tapi tuu laa, terpaksa juga tempuhi penat lelah tu semua, sekiranya hendak selesaikan. Pastinya akan ada dunia yang lebih baik setelah masalah ini ditempuhi.
Apa jua musibah yang melanda Bella, Rizal harap Bella tabah dan berjaya mengharunginya. Sama-sama kita berusaha selesaikannya Bella (walaupun kes lain-lain tapi kira kategori Musibah)
: )
InsyaALLAH : )
Apa pun Selamat Hari Sabtu dan moga ceria-ceria ya..
:-D :-D :-D
ouch,..i dont want to meet them,..period. not at the same time definitely. it was not like been hit by a bus, that will be a bulldozer.
Yeah, betul tu nia.. Macam kena bulldozer pun ada. Apasal time2 camni baru nak dtg cuba menggugat keimanan ye tak? Sekaligus plak tu, macam ada signal la plak.. Entah2 lelaki semua ada radar kot, bole baca signal yg keluar dari invisible tentacles kat kepala saya.. HAHA! Stressing la.. Shoo Shoo all you people! :-D :-D :-D
Thanks Rizal ;)
Tapi kadang kala kalau kita sorg je yang tak give in manakala pihak lain lebih lemah dari kita pun susah juga.. Lambat laun, the weight of the other party will pull us down to the bottom juga. I just wish everybody's will is strong in this matter. I wish everybody is stubborn, in the sense - willing to do anything to get back and sustain the once strong and miraculous bond and to hell with all the nyamuk, lalat dan segala macam benda kat kiri kanan. Apa yang insects tu sume bole buat kalau bukan sekadar memekak buat berdesing telinga je kan? Baik spray dengan Shieldtox instead of using the easy way and let the bond grow weaker and weaker. Might as well just burn the damn bond..
Ye, saya berkias sket. Hanya org yang benar2 kenal Bella yang mungkin boleh faham maksud Bella ni. Atau mungkin juga tidak kerana banyak kali Bella dengar phrase that "men and women don't speak the same language". Still, is that a strong excuse for things not to work out? Kalau gitu, pegi jadi gay je la, senang kot..
Hati ini kadang kala begitu lemah, merudun ke dasar paling dalam, sungguh nipis dan halus hanya menanti masa berkecai beribu dan apabila ia hancur, hanya Allah s.w.t. sahaja yang tahu tangisan yang mengalir ke pipi, namun di permukaannya, senyuman masih dapat diberikan walaupun mata sudah tidak lagi bercahaya..
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
They want to be "friends". They want to make amends. They miss me. I think I want to go puke now.. Bluwekkkkk!!
I think it will kill me soon.. I mean it.. :'(
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